I've been having conversations with some mothers I know, and they all seem to have the same problem. No one follows through with anything. I am so tired of hearing about it. Don't these mothers know that the key to good parenting is to be consistent?
I have not been a great mother. The first few years after he was born, I didn't really care about being a good mom. I was selfish, irresponsible, and immature. It's been a long road since then, and I've never felt better about where we are together as a family.
One very important lesson I learned was that "finding a guy" never should've been a priority. Spending time with friends is not a priority. Sex is not a priority. All the guys, fun and sex will never last. Your child? He'll be there forever. Your child is your life. He's your priority. Building a tight bond with your child and proving that you're "the boss" is the only way to gain true love and respect from him.
If you've been going down a long path of destruction regarding discipline and respect, you need to earn that respect back from him. Your child needs to know that he can trust that you'll be there for him. You can say you are, but you're not. Most parents don't listen to their children and they don't treat their children with respect.
The key thing to remember is that when your child does something wrong, be patient and loving and ALWAYS remain calm. Showing him anger doesn't solve the problem and doesn't do any good to the situation. Now, there's nothing wrong with letting your child know that what they did angered you, but yelling and screaming at your child will do nothing but cause harm. A very important factor in discipline is spanking. Most parents spank their children when they are angry. They're forceful and disrespectful to their child. If you spank your child, do it when you're calm. If you tell your child that you will spank him if he does "so and so", do it. If he does what he isn't supposed to do, guide him somewhere, sit him down, and tell him exactly why he's getting a spanking. Tell him (calmly) that you love him, and that he is getting the spanking because he disobeyed you. Don't be angry. After you tell him, make sure he understands why. And THEN spank him.
Anything that you say you are going to do should be followed through. You can not deviate from that. Threatening your child with false discipline is the easiest way to get him to walk all over you. And if your child is a horrible handful at age 3,4,5 - Then when he is a teenager, he will be spiteful, and hateful, and angry.
I remember when I first started disciplining (or lack thereof), I was so afraid that he would resent me for disciplining him. And to be honest, he did. He thought I was a mean mommy. But now, he's 6 years old. He's respectful, and honest, and he's helpful and loving. And I've noticed a change in him that I can say is from the constant and consistent discipline, love, and respect that I show him. You can have that too. You just need to want it as much as your child deserves it.
Good luck! And if you have any questions or need help, contact me. I would be happy to help.
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