I have been at the Affiliate Summit in Las Vegas since the 8th of January. First and foremost, I wanted to apologize for the lack of posts the past few days. Secondly, I am completely amazed by the untapped potential that exists in the Affiliate Program Market. I have been attending as many sessions as possible and have been networking like crazy. There are so many fabulous companies and agencies here, and it's exciting to finally meet the faces to the names and voices of the people I've met the past few months.
I am returning Wednesday night from Vegas and will resume my daily posts beginning Thursday. For all of you that are here at the Summit, I can't believe how great you all are! I wish I could meet everyone but if we haven't met, follow me on Twitter and maybe at ASE we can meet up for drinks or dinner! Twitter: ShainaKP
For everyone at home, I miss you all so much. Especially my little one, Cayden.
We've been speaking regularly and he's counting down the days until I return. I can't wait to give him a huge hug and smooch.
I hope everyone stays safe with all the storms going on tonight and tomorrow. Drive safe!!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
True Inspiration Isn't Hard To Find
I've been thinking quite a bit about inspiration for my blogs and where to find it. Then I began to realize that when it comes from the heart, it's the most influential thought process I could have. My biggest inspiration would be my son. There's little things you see in them that you can't help but fall in love with them all over again. The way he takes my hand just because he wants to be close to me. Or the look of peace on his face when he's asleep. Of course, you've heard time and time again, that you'll never know what true unconditional love is until you've become a mother. This is true beyond a shadow of a doubt.
The innocence in his eyes is unmistakable. His soul is still pure and his intentions always good. Children should always be the inspiration of your heart. Knowing that you are molding their entire existence to become someone great is enough to drive me to always better myself and to always protect his heart and mind in any way I know possible.
Even the fears that grip you when they get hurt, or how you can (incredibly) bolt upright out of bed from the slightest whimper. This is what we're made for. The pure adrenaline to support, protect and nourish our young. Who needs better inspiration then that?! One of my favorite times of the day is right before it's time to turn out his light. All of the frustrations and exasperation of the day are gone, and all that's left is me and him. He tells me all about his day (which I can't seem to get out of him right after school) and the excitement in his voice warms my heart with such vigor. He's intense and his stories are so vivid. He's growing up and it's so hard to remember that. He's so intelligent and so independent, and yet his mind is so pliable that it's sometimes hard to remember that every second of the day, my actions are teaching him what he should be like as he gets older.
So always remind yourself that your children are reason enough to be kind and caring and thoughtful throughout your days, because time moves swiftly and your children are your main priority. All the worries of the day will be gone or you'll see them in the morning. At the end of the day, it's just you... and them.
The innocence in his eyes is unmistakable. His soul is still pure and his intentions always good. Children should always be the inspiration of your heart. Knowing that you are molding their entire existence to become someone great is enough to drive me to always better myself and to always protect his heart and mind in any way I know possible.
Even the fears that grip you when they get hurt, or how you can (incredibly) bolt upright out of bed from the slightest whimper. This is what we're made for. The pure adrenaline to support, protect and nourish our young. Who needs better inspiration then that?! One of my favorite times of the day is right before it's time to turn out his light. All of the frustrations and exasperation of the day are gone, and all that's left is me and him. He tells me all about his day (which I can't seem to get out of him right after school) and the excitement in his voice warms my heart with such vigor. He's intense and his stories are so vivid. He's growing up and it's so hard to remember that. He's so intelligent and so independent, and yet his mind is so pliable that it's sometimes hard to remember that every second of the day, my actions are teaching him what he should be like as he gets older.
So always remind yourself that your children are reason enough to be kind and caring and thoughtful throughout your days, because time moves swiftly and your children are your main priority. All the worries of the day will be gone or you'll see them in the morning. At the end of the day, it's just you... and them.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Making Your House Your Home
One thing I've always wanted was to have a house that I saw as my own. I've had apartments and houses that I've rented, but I've never filled them with things that made me feel like I belong. Don't get me wrong though. I've never been the type of person that focused on material things to make me feel like I fit in or belong, but I do think it's important to not only fill your home with people you love, but to make it something that you always want to come home to.
As a single mother, it has been a little difficult to achieve this "home" feeling. I've definitely accomplished giving my son a home that he loves to return to, but that's more of the fact that I'm here. For me, I've always been a fan of artichectural magazines and interior design websites. I am determined to make a home that I absolutely love. I have always had this inspiration to make my home "lovely".
To accomplish this on my own "low" budget, I've learned how to shop correctly. I always search antique malls first. I have been able to purchase amazing pieces for pennies on the dollar (worth-wise). For clothes, consignment shops are the best. I have found amazing clothes for just a few dollars each. After all of this, I go to Meijer and Target for small furniture pieces like floor lamps and tables. For big pieces of furniture like beds and sofas, I try to buy brand new, but sometimes you can find amazing sofas on Craigslist or Ebay for great prices. Mattresses I would suggest to always buy brand new. For sofas, if you are planning on buying them used, I would advise getting them cleaned thoroughly. I would suggest http://www.facebook.com/pages/Meiks-Carpet-Cleaning/182922115070484. My friend owns the company and he's been cleaning carpets and upholstery for his entire adult life. We're also extremely close and I trust him with my family.
As far as designing your home to make it beautiful, start with purchasing picture collage frames and fill them with your warmest memories. Try to integrate colors when purchasing art. If your blankets on your bed are teal and beige, try to find a piece of art with colors that compliment that and place it over your bed. Try to find colors and patterns to place in your home that make you feel warm, peaceful and calm. This I believe is most important because you want to come home and feel like you're in a safe and serene environment.
The only reason I wanted to address this issue is because I think this is so important. I'm not sure how important this is to others but I have so many ideas and it's hard to list them all in one blog so if anyone wants help organizing their home or designing their rooms, I'd be more than happy to help. If you have an idea of what kind of "feeling" you want your room to have, I'm good at that too. This is a passion of mine and would love to build a sort of "portfolio" of references so that one day I might be able to do this full time.
Just like one of my previous posts,Feeling A Bit Stabby Today, this is one of the things that I like to do for me. Cleaning, organizing and decorating are things that I love doing. Join me in this journey of self fulfillment and make your home and mind a place where you love being.
As a single mother, it has been a little difficult to achieve this "home" feeling. I've definitely accomplished giving my son a home that he loves to return to, but that's more of the fact that I'm here. For me, I've always been a fan of artichectural magazines and interior design websites. I am determined to make a home that I absolutely love. I have always had this inspiration to make my home "lovely".
To accomplish this on my own "low" budget, I've learned how to shop correctly. I always search antique malls first. I have been able to purchase amazing pieces for pennies on the dollar (worth-wise). For clothes, consignment shops are the best. I have found amazing clothes for just a few dollars each. After all of this, I go to Meijer and Target for small furniture pieces like floor lamps and tables. For big pieces of furniture like beds and sofas, I try to buy brand new, but sometimes you can find amazing sofas on Craigslist or Ebay for great prices. Mattresses I would suggest to always buy brand new. For sofas, if you are planning on buying them used, I would advise getting them cleaned thoroughly. I would suggest http://www.facebook.com/pages/Meiks-Carpet-Cleaning/182922115070484. My friend owns the company and he's been cleaning carpets and upholstery for his entire adult life. We're also extremely close and I trust him with my family.
As far as designing your home to make it beautiful, start with purchasing picture collage frames and fill them with your warmest memories. Try to integrate colors when purchasing art. If your blankets on your bed are teal and beige, try to find a piece of art with colors that compliment that and place it over your bed. Try to find colors and patterns to place in your home that make you feel warm, peaceful and calm. This I believe is most important because you want to come home and feel like you're in a safe and serene environment.
The only reason I wanted to address this issue is because I think this is so important. I'm not sure how important this is to others but I have so many ideas and it's hard to list them all in one blog so if anyone wants help organizing their home or designing their rooms, I'd be more than happy to help. If you have an idea of what kind of "feeling" you want your room to have, I'm good at that too. This is a passion of mine and would love to build a sort of "portfolio" of references so that one day I might be able to do this full time.
Just like one of my previous posts,Feeling A Bit Stabby Today, this is one of the things that I like to do for me. Cleaning, organizing and decorating are things that I love doing. Join me in this journey of self fulfillment and make your home and mind a place where you love being.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Who Raises Your Kids?
The one thing I am most proud of out of everything I've accomplished in my life is my son. That's an easy enough statement. Most parents will say that right off the bat. But are parents truly proud of their kids? If someone asked you, "Why?" What would you say?
I am proud of my son because the first thing he does in the morning is pick up his pillow and his book and sits on the couch and reads. He doesn't turn on the TV, or whine for breakfast, or ask to play on the computer. He reads. Most 6 year olds are unlike my son. He is kind-hearted, generous, loving, patient, and he cares for others. He tries to make me laugh all the time. He tries to take care of me when I'm sick, and he tries to make his own breakfast when he's with me on the weekends so I can sleep a little longer.
Another reason I'm proud of him is his ability to adapt to most situations easily. He understands not everything is about him and is willing to let things happen the way I say they should.
This leads me to ask, who is raising your kids?
I only ask this because I know a lot of kids. They are constantly in my house and vice versa. I love that my son has friends and that they love spending time over here but I am troubled with what happens when he goes to other peoples' houses to hang out. I have a rule. No TV, no video games and no computer. He's 6. He should be outside playing or playing with his toys. Not sitting in front of the TV all day. And that's why I'm troubled. When he goes to his friend's house, they play video games and he loses track of time and inevitably gets in trouble for coming home late. When the kids come to my house, we make water balloons and we get out the nerf guns or the skateboards and they all go play. If it's cold or rainy, they go in his room and play with lincoln logs and army men and build forts.
I just don't understand it. Sometimes I wonder why people have kids when they don't do anything with them. Is everyone so worn out and exhausted that by the time they come home, the last thing they want is to spend time with their kids? Shouldn't there be some sort of test people should pass before reproducing? In all honesty, I just feel bad for the children. Parents don't seem to raise their own kids anymore. There are nannies, TV's, video games, computer games, and it's all portable. Children going to the grocery store with you? No problem! Pay for the cart that plays the movie and your set! Bullshit. Teach your children how to behave and you wouldn't have a problem in the first place. You would actually enjoy the time spent at the store because you raised them right. My son knows the rules. Don't ask me for anything sweet because you're not getting it. He learned that rule years ago. We have fun when we go to stores. I won't stand for anything else and he knows that. We laugh, play, and have a great time. He knows that I follow through with discipline and he respects me because of it.
Try being the one to raise your children. Spend time with them. Respect that they have an opinion just as much as you do. Don't make them feel stupid for asking questions, and try to answer them. My favorite answer is, "Let's Google it when we get home!" He loves it. We learn about things and then I send him off to play. Give them an opportunity to teach you something because trust me, there's a lot that they know and you don't. Don't settle for "fine" when you ask them how their day was. Show them that you trust them and they'll trust you in return. Children are amazing and they're completely and utterly misjudged as deceitful and evil little shits. I promise you that if you raise them right the first time, you'll earn the respect that you demand.
Discipline is key. If you say you're going to do something, you better do it. They remember when you don't. Each and every time. All they need and want is guidance, respect, and love. Nurture them and teach them, and they will love and respect you for it.
I am proud of my son because the first thing he does in the morning is pick up his pillow and his book and sits on the couch and reads. He doesn't turn on the TV, or whine for breakfast, or ask to play on the computer. He reads. Most 6 year olds are unlike my son. He is kind-hearted, generous, loving, patient, and he cares for others. He tries to make me laugh all the time. He tries to take care of me when I'm sick, and he tries to make his own breakfast when he's with me on the weekends so I can sleep a little longer.
Another reason I'm proud of him is his ability to adapt to most situations easily. He understands not everything is about him and is willing to let things happen the way I say they should.
This leads me to ask, who is raising your kids?
I only ask this because I know a lot of kids. They are constantly in my house and vice versa. I love that my son has friends and that they love spending time over here but I am troubled with what happens when he goes to other peoples' houses to hang out. I have a rule. No TV, no video games and no computer. He's 6. He should be outside playing or playing with his toys. Not sitting in front of the TV all day. And that's why I'm troubled. When he goes to his friend's house, they play video games and he loses track of time and inevitably gets in trouble for coming home late. When the kids come to my house, we make water balloons and we get out the nerf guns or the skateboards and they all go play. If it's cold or rainy, they go in his room and play with lincoln logs and army men and build forts.
I just don't understand it. Sometimes I wonder why people have kids when they don't do anything with them. Is everyone so worn out and exhausted that by the time they come home, the last thing they want is to spend time with their kids? Shouldn't there be some sort of test people should pass before reproducing? In all honesty, I just feel bad for the children. Parents don't seem to raise their own kids anymore. There are nannies, TV's, video games, computer games, and it's all portable. Children going to the grocery store with you? No problem! Pay for the cart that plays the movie and your set! Bullshit. Teach your children how to behave and you wouldn't have a problem in the first place. You would actually enjoy the time spent at the store because you raised them right. My son knows the rules. Don't ask me for anything sweet because you're not getting it. He learned that rule years ago. We have fun when we go to stores. I won't stand for anything else and he knows that. We laugh, play, and have a great time. He knows that I follow through with discipline and he respects me because of it.
Try being the one to raise your children. Spend time with them. Respect that they have an opinion just as much as you do. Don't make them feel stupid for asking questions, and try to answer them. My favorite answer is, "Let's Google it when we get home!" He loves it. We learn about things and then I send him off to play. Give them an opportunity to teach you something because trust me, there's a lot that they know and you don't. Don't settle for "fine" when you ask them how their day was. Show them that you trust them and they'll trust you in return. Children are amazing and they're completely and utterly misjudged as deceitful and evil little shits. I promise you that if you raise them right the first time, you'll earn the respect that you demand.
Discipline is key. If you say you're going to do something, you better do it. They remember when you don't. Each and every time. All they need and want is guidance, respect, and love. Nurture them and teach them, and they will love and respect you for it.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Feeling A Bit Stabby Today
On Facebook today, I claimed I was feeling a bit stabby today. You know that feeling? Where you're in a perfectly good mood, but you know that as soon as someone crosses you the wrong way, you're liable to just stab em?! No? Maybe it's just me. But today was one of those days. I had a wonderful morning with my son. I made him hard-boiled eggs with toast and OJ for breakfast and sent him off to school all happy and warm, and I ran errands and cleaned all day. Overall, a happy day for me, but what the heck was my deal? I was driving down the road and anyone that looked at me wrong got a glare that could melt the iceberg that sunk the Titanic in seconds. LOL
Maybe it's the lack of water I've been drinking lately. And also the lack of climbing. Without exercise, I've noticed I tend to get a little irritable. I think most people are like that. If there's no release for any past tensions, it tends to just boil up inside until it comes out distastefully. Of course, we never want to cause a scene, or snap at our significant others for scratching their noses, so we must all find ways to release our tensions. Exercise, solo movies, yoga, sex, shopping; whatever is your release, try to do it as often as possible. (For the shoppers out there, make sure 'shopping' won't cause tension down the road when the bill/statement comes).
This release is incredible for stopping problems/tensions in their tracks. Making time for yourself to do things you love is a necessity in your life. I like to go rock climbing, make hemp jewelry, and knit. Those are things I do to give myself the quiet time I need to relax and evaluate how my day was, ponder my own deep thoughts, and contemplate things that are important to me.
I must admit, the past 7 months have been especially hard on me for numerous reasons. Most of those reasons revolved around the fact that I was just too busy to do anything that I wanted to do. I lost all track of things that I loved doing and focused completely on school and everyone else. I was lost in some muddlement of despair and looking back, I am fully aware that I simply lost myself in all of it. Never forget who you are or what you desire most out of life because as a woman, that's the first thing to go. We yearn for nothing more than to please others and render ourselves to everyone we care about. We go above and beyond to anyone that needs us and before we know it, we're disoriented and lacking the most important thing: Ourself
So take time for yourself. Even if it's only 30 minutes a day. Do what you love, take a nap, do something for you, and I promise, within a week, you won't feel stabby like I know you all secretly do on a more regular basis than you're willing to admit! You'll feel more clear headed, refreshed, and more like the person you knew you were before work, husbands, and children took over!
On a personal note:
So, I've been looking around my house and I am not happy with it at all. In my boyfriend's words, it's a bachelorette pad. He makes these statements because I sleep on a futon and because I have no art or pictures on my walls.
Yes, yes. I sleep on a futon. Everyone thinks it's absolutely horrible, but I like it. A lot of beds actually hurt my back more than a futon would. I know that sounds utterly unbelievable, but believe it! Even though I like my futon, I am planning on getting a real bed this month. I'm actually super excited about it because I'm hoping that the good luck fairies will be with me and will help me pick the perfect bed for me. The last thing I want is a bed that hurts my back more than my futon does!
As for the art/pictures, I have NO idea what to buy! I'm at a loss because there's so much art that I want that I end up never getting anything. I know I need to just pick something or take some pics and blow them up and frame them, but it just all seems like a ton of unneccesary work, especially when I plan on moving at the end of May. Why bother poking holes in the wall when I'll have to spackle them in 4 months? I'd rather just wait until I move and then figure out where all the furniture goes first. Makes sense, right?!
As far as moving goes, I've found ONE house for rent that I really like. All the others are just dumb. My dog is big and she needs a TON of space to move around. This one house has a HUGE yard but no fireplace. I REALLY REALLY wanted a fireplace. Any thoughts?
Maybe it's the lack of water I've been drinking lately. And also the lack of climbing. Without exercise, I've noticed I tend to get a little irritable. I think most people are like that. If there's no release for any past tensions, it tends to just boil up inside until it comes out distastefully. Of course, we never want to cause a scene, or snap at our significant others for scratching their noses, so we must all find ways to release our tensions. Exercise, solo movies, yoga, sex, shopping; whatever is your release, try to do it as often as possible. (For the shoppers out there, make sure 'shopping' won't cause tension down the road when the bill/statement comes).
This release is incredible for stopping problems/tensions in their tracks. Making time for yourself to do things you love is a necessity in your life. I like to go rock climbing, make hemp jewelry, and knit. Those are things I do to give myself the quiet time I need to relax and evaluate how my day was, ponder my own deep thoughts, and contemplate things that are important to me.
I must admit, the past 7 months have been especially hard on me for numerous reasons. Most of those reasons revolved around the fact that I was just too busy to do anything that I wanted to do. I lost all track of things that I loved doing and focused completely on school and everyone else. I was lost in some muddlement of despair and looking back, I am fully aware that I simply lost myself in all of it. Never forget who you are or what you desire most out of life because as a woman, that's the first thing to go. We yearn for nothing more than to please others and render ourselves to everyone we care about. We go above and beyond to anyone that needs us and before we know it, we're disoriented and lacking the most important thing: Ourself
So take time for yourself. Even if it's only 30 minutes a day. Do what you love, take a nap, do something for you, and I promise, within a week, you won't feel stabby like I know you all secretly do on a more regular basis than you're willing to admit! You'll feel more clear headed, refreshed, and more like the person you knew you were before work, husbands, and children took over!
On a personal note:
So, I've been looking around my house and I am not happy with it at all. In my boyfriend's words, it's a bachelorette pad. He makes these statements because I sleep on a futon and because I have no art or pictures on my walls.
Yes, yes. I sleep on a futon. Everyone thinks it's absolutely horrible, but I like it. A lot of beds actually hurt my back more than a futon would. I know that sounds utterly unbelievable, but believe it! Even though I like my futon, I am planning on getting a real bed this month. I'm actually super excited about it because I'm hoping that the good luck fairies will be with me and will help me pick the perfect bed for me. The last thing I want is a bed that hurts my back more than my futon does!
As for the art/pictures, I have NO idea what to buy! I'm at a loss because there's so much art that I want that I end up never getting anything. I know I need to just pick something or take some pics and blow them up and frame them, but it just all seems like a ton of unneccesary work, especially when I plan on moving at the end of May. Why bother poking holes in the wall when I'll have to spackle them in 4 months? I'd rather just wait until I move and then figure out where all the furniture goes first. Makes sense, right?!
As far as moving goes, I've found ONE house for rent that I really like. All the others are just dumb. My dog is big and she needs a TON of space to move around. This one house has a HUGE yard but no fireplace. I REALLY REALLY wanted a fireplace. Any thoughts?
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Learning to Love THEIR Way
So I've been thinking... Most women go throughout their days thinking that the men they're dating should change. They should change the way they act, the way they live, the way they eat, and so on and so forth. I never thought I could be classified as one of those women until just recently. I may not be excessively particular about things I want to change in a guy, but after thinking long and hard about my past relationships, what needs to happen is both parties need to be more accepting about the other.
So this is what I'm proposing. Think of a word or two. Make it the word (or words) for the entire year. One of my words is going to be Acceptance. I have decided that in all aspects of my life, I need to be more accepting to what happens. The decisions I make are reflected through the consequences and I need to recognize that. Attempting a long term relationship with someone that doesn't necessarily fit my 'terms' of a perfect man doesn't give me any right to feel like I should change him. Compromise is a must in relationships but forcible change is the opposite. It's unwelcome, it's disrespectful, and it's toxic in any emotional bond between two people.
I've always been adamant about never reprimanding a boyfriend about leaving the seat up. Who am I to be the judge on whether a seat is up or down? What gives me the right to tell them what to do when it comes to something so trivial? Same goes for other areas of the relationship. What right do I have to force someone to cuddle more, or be more publicly affectionate? All relationships have their ups and downs, but choosing something as frivolous as cuddling to pick a fight is asking for trouble. Same goes with children. Why do parents find it necessary to fight with their child about something as silly as, say, wearing pajamas to the grocery store? Let them! Choose your battles wisely! Because every parent knows that at the end of the day, does it really matter what they wore?
Back to relationships, choose your battles wisely as well. Have an accepting heart. Don't have a shit fit because your boyfriend/husband didn't cuddle with you before he got up for work, or that he didn't kiss you when he got home. These things don't matter. My second word is going to be Gratitude. Combining these two words is my goal. I need to accept that not everything is going to go exactly how I want them to go, and I need to be grateful for the things that I do receive. So when you start feeling anger well up because he doesn't do something your way, be grateful that he's in your life and that you share that intimate bond with each other. These are the things that matter. Not throwing a hissy fit because it doesn't go your way.
I have never understood why women always assumed it's the men that need to change. For the most part, men are easygoing, laid back, not too emotional, and disturbingly honest. In all honesty, I think it would be refreshing if more women were like that. Less drama, less inane competition, less pettiness and erratic behaviour. These are the things that give us our name: Crazy
Has anyone ever actually considered this? Why do men say women are crazy? (And yes, I know not all women are crazy, I'm just speaking of the ones that are.) Women are labeled as crazy because they wear their hearts on their sleeves, they make decisions based off of their emotions, and they read into every little thing their significant other says or does. I am putting a stop to this in my own relationship. It's clearly not working and it's putting a damper on my relationship as well as my friendships with females. Maybe it's not the men that need to change. Maybe it's us...
So this is what I'm proposing. Think of a word or two. Make it the word (or words) for the entire year. One of my words is going to be Acceptance. I have decided that in all aspects of my life, I need to be more accepting to what happens. The decisions I make are reflected through the consequences and I need to recognize that. Attempting a long term relationship with someone that doesn't necessarily fit my 'terms' of a perfect man doesn't give me any right to feel like I should change him. Compromise is a must in relationships but forcible change is the opposite. It's unwelcome, it's disrespectful, and it's toxic in any emotional bond between two people.
I've always been adamant about never reprimanding a boyfriend about leaving the seat up. Who am I to be the judge on whether a seat is up or down? What gives me the right to tell them what to do when it comes to something so trivial? Same goes for other areas of the relationship. What right do I have to force someone to cuddle more, or be more publicly affectionate? All relationships have their ups and downs, but choosing something as frivolous as cuddling to pick a fight is asking for trouble. Same goes with children. Why do parents find it necessary to fight with their child about something as silly as, say, wearing pajamas to the grocery store? Let them! Choose your battles wisely! Because every parent knows that at the end of the day, does it really matter what they wore?
Back to relationships, choose your battles wisely as well. Have an accepting heart. Don't have a shit fit because your boyfriend/husband didn't cuddle with you before he got up for work, or that he didn't kiss you when he got home. These things don't matter. My second word is going to be Gratitude. Combining these two words is my goal. I need to accept that not everything is going to go exactly how I want them to go, and I need to be grateful for the things that I do receive. So when you start feeling anger well up because he doesn't do something your way, be grateful that he's in your life and that you share that intimate bond with each other. These are the things that matter. Not throwing a hissy fit because it doesn't go your way.
I have never understood why women always assumed it's the men that need to change. For the most part, men are easygoing, laid back, not too emotional, and disturbingly honest. In all honesty, I think it would be refreshing if more women were like that. Less drama, less inane competition, less pettiness and erratic behaviour. These are the things that give us our name: Crazy
Has anyone ever actually considered this? Why do men say women are crazy? (And yes, I know not all women are crazy, I'm just speaking of the ones that are.) Women are labeled as crazy because they wear their hearts on their sleeves, they make decisions based off of their emotions, and they read into every little thing their significant other says or does. I am putting a stop to this in my own relationship. It's clearly not working and it's putting a damper on my relationship as well as my friendships with females. Maybe it's not the men that need to change. Maybe it's us...
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Not as Bad as I Thought!
So my final grades for Fall Semester actually weren't half bad! I knew I was going to fail my math class from the start because I just didn't understand any of it, but I can retake it. And when I do, my new grade will replace the F. As far as my other classes, I received an A in 'Human Behavior in Organizations', a B in my 'Environmental Geology' class, and a B- in 'Quantitative Analysis' and 'Data Management'. This was my hardest semester yet, and I was completely convinced that I was going to fail each and every one of my classes. I'm so glad I did better than I thought. I believe the hardest part for me was working while going to school. I know single mothers do it every day, but in all honesty, I think it's important to not only excel in school but to still be capable of exceeding all expectations in the workplace and to be a kind, loving, and devoted mother. In my opinion, it's virtually impossible to do all of these things at the same time. I believe two out of the three are possible, but clearly, I would pick my son and school before I would pick work. And as I am not a slacker by any means, I don't think it's right for me to attempt a career at this stage in my life.
As for other areas of my life, things just aren't the way I thought they'd be. I'm almost 30 and I don't feel as satisfied as I thought I would at this point in my life. I've fallen in love with a guy that I believe is an astounding person. He's intelligent, funny, charismatic, and has high goals in life. The problem is that I just don't see him wanting to be in a relationship right now. He says he does, and he says he loves me, which I believe because he is not the type to let emotions fly out of his mouth easily. If he says something like that, it's 100% sincere. But, I am not getting what I need from him. I try my damndest to be respectful and supportive to him. All I've ever asked of him was his love. To be sweet and kind and sincere... I don't think he can give me that. I'm beginning to think that's just the person he is. Of course sometimes he can be those things and I love it, but it always seems hard for him. Almost like it's out of character for him to do these things. When we go out, get food, get alcohol, go on dates; he always pays. It's definitely a treat, and I would even say it's extremely sweet of him, but it's not worth it if he's going to be standoffish, stoic, and unaffectionate the whole time.
When I am out with him in public, typically if people saw us together, they would assume we were just friends. He's definitely been more affectionate since I told him how I felt but it still doesn't seem natural. And because it doesn't seem natural, I am consistently feeling like I'm trying to change him, which I'm not. It's hard to know who he really is when he doesn't open up to me. He told me once that he's opened up to me more than anyone else. I believe that to a point. But sometimes you can tell that he's bottling things up inside and not letting it out and it just festers in his soul until we get into a huge fight over something ridiculous. I'm just not sure how healthy this relationship is and whether or not I should continue to fight for it. At times, I can't imagine him not being in my life because he just fits... But other times, I just don't know. I think if I met him the way he is now when I was 20 years old and childless, then we'd be a perfect fit. But I don't think he's ready. He likes single me, but is slightly uncomfortable with me being a mother. Not because he doesn't like me as a mother or dislikes my son, but because he feels somewhat awkward around children. He's not ready. But how do I explain that it's not working out? How do I let go of someone incredibly important to me when my only excuse is that I believe they need to grow up? And is it bad that I want to stay with him because I know that when he finally grows up, he is going to be the perfect man for me? Is that rational? Or am I just clutching straws because I don't want to let him go?
So many questions and so little answers. I don't mind though. That's what life is, right? Going through your life trying to make the best decisions and attempting to be happy with those decisions. I have not made a New Years resolution this year. I made one last year and I broke it in April when I met my current boyfriend. You know, the one I'm struggling with at the moment... There's nothing I want for this year except to be happy in all aspects of my life. But everyone wants that. No point in making it a resolution.
I am eager for this new year though. New friends, new classes, and my son is turning 7. Unbelievable, right? He's growing up to be such an incredible little person. He's sweet, kind, caring, loving, and insanely intelligent. The gift he was most excited about that he got for Christmas were the 30+ books that I bought him. Who can tell me that they've ever met a 6 year old that was more excited about his books than any of the toys he received?! I am a proud mama. As for all of you, I hope you had a wonderful and safe New Years Eve. I'm happy you're a part of my life, and I thank you for letting me share my own trials & tribulations and joys & successes of 2010. I look forward to sharing more in 2011 (and hopefully more often). By the way, any input on my current situation would be appreciated. I am at a loss for what to do and would be so grateful for any input. Love you all!
As for other areas of my life, things just aren't the way I thought they'd be. I'm almost 30 and I don't feel as satisfied as I thought I would at this point in my life. I've fallen in love with a guy that I believe is an astounding person. He's intelligent, funny, charismatic, and has high goals in life. The problem is that I just don't see him wanting to be in a relationship right now. He says he does, and he says he loves me, which I believe because he is not the type to let emotions fly out of his mouth easily. If he says something like that, it's 100% sincere. But, I am not getting what I need from him. I try my damndest to be respectful and supportive to him. All I've ever asked of him was his love. To be sweet and kind and sincere... I don't think he can give me that. I'm beginning to think that's just the person he is. Of course sometimes he can be those things and I love it, but it always seems hard for him. Almost like it's out of character for him to do these things. When we go out, get food, get alcohol, go on dates; he always pays. It's definitely a treat, and I would even say it's extremely sweet of him, but it's not worth it if he's going to be standoffish, stoic, and unaffectionate the whole time.
When I am out with him in public, typically if people saw us together, they would assume we were just friends. He's definitely been more affectionate since I told him how I felt but it still doesn't seem natural. And because it doesn't seem natural, I am consistently feeling like I'm trying to change him, which I'm not. It's hard to know who he really is when he doesn't open up to me. He told me once that he's opened up to me more than anyone else. I believe that to a point. But sometimes you can tell that he's bottling things up inside and not letting it out and it just festers in his soul until we get into a huge fight over something ridiculous. I'm just not sure how healthy this relationship is and whether or not I should continue to fight for it. At times, I can't imagine him not being in my life because he just fits... But other times, I just don't know. I think if I met him the way he is now when I was 20 years old and childless, then we'd be a perfect fit. But I don't think he's ready. He likes single me, but is slightly uncomfortable with me being a mother. Not because he doesn't like me as a mother or dislikes my son, but because he feels somewhat awkward around children. He's not ready. But how do I explain that it's not working out? How do I let go of someone incredibly important to me when my only excuse is that I believe they need to grow up? And is it bad that I want to stay with him because I know that when he finally grows up, he is going to be the perfect man for me? Is that rational? Or am I just clutching straws because I don't want to let him go?
So many questions and so little answers. I don't mind though. That's what life is, right? Going through your life trying to make the best decisions and attempting to be happy with those decisions. I have not made a New Years resolution this year. I made one last year and I broke it in April when I met my current boyfriend. You know, the one I'm struggling with at the moment... There's nothing I want for this year except to be happy in all aspects of my life. But everyone wants that. No point in making it a resolution.
I am eager for this new year though. New friends, new classes, and my son is turning 7. Unbelievable, right? He's growing up to be such an incredible little person. He's sweet, kind, caring, loving, and insanely intelligent. The gift he was most excited about that he got for Christmas were the 30+ books that I bought him. Who can tell me that they've ever met a 6 year old that was more excited about his books than any of the toys he received?! I am a proud mama. As for all of you, I hope you had a wonderful and safe New Years Eve. I'm happy you're a part of my life, and I thank you for letting me share my own trials & tribulations and joys & successes of 2010. I look forward to sharing more in 2011 (and hopefully more often). By the way, any input on my current situation would be appreciated. I am at a loss for what to do and would be so grateful for any input. Love you all!
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